My friends, we find ourselves in a series. For the third week in a row, I’m here to talk to you about nurturing relationships.

Last week, we discussed the elements of a relationship, and the week before, we explored why relationships should be effortful.

Today, I want to discuss how to design a process that keeps the right people consistently top of mind.

Relationships have a purpose

Volunteer. Donate. Serve. Work. Participate. When we invite people into a relationship with us, we do so with a purpose. While the ultimate destination may not be known, we can identify milestones along the way.

Think of relationships as a series of escalating calls to action:

• Want to grab coffee?
• Would you like to meet my parents?
• Should we get a dog?
• Will you marry me?

With each call to action, one person extends (vulnerability) and another reciprocates (reciprocity). Here’s how that pattern might look in a nonprofit:

• Do you want to grab coffee?
• Would you host a table at our gala?
• Would you join our board?
• Would you anchor our match fundraising campaign?

As trust grows, the invitations escalate.

Relationships are journeys

In the example above, the relationship path to marriage looks like:

Acquaintance → Dating → Pet Parents → Married

But that’s just one example. There are many paths to marriage:

Co-worker → Dating (in secret) → Dating (in public) → Living together → Married

Here's another:

Married → Divorced → Regret → Dating (again) → Married (again)

The possibilities are endless. Which is what makes nurturing everyone in your orbit very complex.

What journeys are you inviting people on?

Here are some examples of journeys your nonprofit may have created for people:

• Newsletter Subscriber
• Event Attendee
• Volunteer
• Board Member
• Donor
• Major Donor

Each of these has a distinct call to action:

• Newsletter Subscriber → Subscribe
• Event Attendee → Register
• Volunteer → Sign Up
• Board Member → Commit
• Donor → Give
• Major Donor → Give (Big)

If you don't have a clear destination for the journey, you will create clumsy calls to action that others don't know how to respond to. You must be clear! (And brave. Rejecting the invitation for the journey is not rejecting you.)

Keep in mind that people are often on multiple journeys simultaneously. Your volunteers may also be newsletter subscribers, but your major donors are probably not. Your board members may attend events and also donate to your organization. The more touchpoints you have with people, the more layers of trust you can build, which sets the stage for escalating invitations.

Journeys can be broken down into stages

Just like Acquaintance → Friend → Dating → Married are escalating stages, the journeys your nonprofit creates can also be broken into stages.

Nearly all journeys can be molded to match something like this.

The primary path is located at the top, where you can see the four stages. At any point on the journey, the person can become 'dormant,' in which case this journey has ended.

Here's what each stage means:

Identified

You’ve identified someone who might be interested in a journey, but you haven’t yet engaged them. This could be a potential donor or volunteer.

Engaged

You have engaged them (meeting, coffee, dm, etc) and are exploring commonalities. For donors, you are gauging interest and appetite. For potential board members, you are looking for background and experience.

Invited

This person meets your criteria, and you have extended an invitation for them to participate. You may have invited someone to volunteer or asked a potential donor to make their first gift.

Active

The person said yes! Now they are a donor, a volunteer, or a board member. This stage may require a sequence of touchpoints. (Board meetings, monthly gifts, annual thank you notes, etc.)

Dormant

People move to this stage when the conversation stalls or the person becomes inactive.

Final thoughts

Don't forget that people can be on more than one journey at a time. You might vet an 'active' volunteer as a possible board member. They are at different stages on two distinct journeys. (This is awesome!)

Relationships ebb and flow. Let people roll to 'dormant' by limiting the time they should spend in each stage. If you invited them to be a volunteer 12 months ago and they never responded, move them to 'dormant.' If you identified someone 18 months ago, but never engaged them, move them to 'dormant.'

Nothing lasts forever. Build in a renewal process. Even if you want volunteers to stay forever, set a precise end date for their term. (Twelve months seems like a reasonable default.) When a year rolls around, ask them to renew their commitment by extending an invitation. (Moves to the 'invited' stage.) Or, if they were a terrible volunteer, thank them for their time and don't invite them back. (Stage moves to 'dormant'.)

Don't overextend. We can only nurture approximately 150 relationships at a time. The easiest way to let people down is to build on ramps to nowhere. Make sure when you create the process, you can support it.

Nonprofit folks want to take care of others. It's in our DNA.

Designing a process with intention is one of the most caring things we can do for one another.

Until next time,

Ted